Hopefully, I have not lost my sense of wonder. Then again, it would be tiring to be constantly amazed, right? Being desensitized, jaded and bored is in. I'm so sick of their attitude, Lord.

Indiana is playing a cruel, late and unappriciated April Fool's joke on us. In the form of freezing rain. Thanks to everyone who came out to see me at Culture Shock and bought a print. It's nice to know when people and friends are interested in your work. KIR.

Is reconciliation what I need?

Sometimes I want to scream this at women: "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BREASTS!"

A couple of posts ago I posted the movie thing and I noticed today that Half Baked had not been bolded. What kind of a person hasn't seen Half Baked. I mean come on. I really don't like that movie.

It's such a nice day out and I don't know what to do. It seems like there are too many options or not enough. It also seems like people are all out doing something, but maybe they are all sitting inside like me and letting their bodies rot away. I'd like to maybe go out and take pictures but I am afraid of maybe wasting film. It's expensive stuff. I don't know.

Yesterday was Spotted Cow. I got some good sun and caught a couple of good bands. Even though the sound was weird, I still had fun. I don't like mewithoutyou, so I got really bored. I don't get the appeal of that band. I mean, the lead singer is so witty, but his vocal style is very irritating. I am pretty sure 97% of my friends don't agree with me and think that they are a great band, but I guess it's a free country, right? (Do you like run-on sentences? I do.)

This school year went by so fast. I regret so much of it. Hopefully it has been a learning expirience. I already knew many of the things I re-learned. It's so hard to avoid the mistakes I make with friends, I feel eternally damned in so many aspects of my personality and the way I live. I am like a ship on autopilot. A man on a mission.

I guess I am going to go listen to Generation X.

Busiest week of my life, and you love it.

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings : The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. The Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. the spice girls movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future – Of course I have seen this!
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
68. Battle Royale
69. Kill Bill Vol. 2
70. Fight Club
71. Clerks
72. The Crow
73. Get Real
74. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
75. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
76. Wake
77. Silence of the Lambs
78. Pulp Fiction
79. The Crying Game
80. Amélie
81. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
82. Happy Campers
83. Velvet Goldmine
84. Elephant
85. Peter Pan
86. Camp
87. Particles of Truth
88. The Godfather
89. Big Fish
90. The Passion of the Christ
91. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
92. The Neverending Story
93. The Breakfast Club
94. Newsies
95. Princess Mononoke
96. The Prince of Egypt
97. Grease
98. The Hidden Fortress
99. Troy
100. It Happened One Night
101. Hackers
102. Dead Poets Society
103. Ghost Ship
104. The Wedding Banquet
105. The Red Violin
106. The Beach
107. The Women
108. Run Lola Run
109. The Quiet Man
110. X-Men
111. X-2
112. Spiderman
113. Punch Drunk Love
114. From Dusk 'Til Dawn
115. Joe Vs. The Volcano
116. Meet Joe Black
117. Gregory's Girl
118. In the Time of the Butterflies
119. The Butterfly Effect
120. Dirty Dancing
121. Final Destination 2
122. Rosemary's Baby
123. Spider-Man 2
124. Practical Magic
125. A Shark Tale
126. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
127. Sweet Home Alabama
128. American Beauty
129. Rocky Horror Picture Show
130. American Psycho
131. American History X
132. The Forgotten
133. The Black Stallion
134. Secret Window
135. Anchorman
136. Cellular
137. Mallrats
138. Mulholland Drive
139. Seeing Double
140. Clueless
141. Dr. Strangelove
142. Huit Femmes
143. Dumb & Dumber
144. Overboard
145. Tommy Boy
146. Talk To Her
147. Party Monster
148. Taxi Driver
149. Jackie Brown
150. Gods and Monsters
151. Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera
152. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
153. The People Under the Stairs
154. Place Vendome
155. De-Lovely
156. Meet the Parents
157. Meet the Fockers
158. Bend It Like Beckham
159. Napoleon Dynamite
160. Garden State
161. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
162. Orgazmo
163. Boondock Saints
164. Princess Diaries
165. The Sandlot
166. Stigmata
167. Glory
168. Mean Girls
169. 10 Things I Hate About You
170. William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet
171. Thirteen
172. The Bicycle Thief
173. Half Baked
174. Under the black pool lights
175. CKY4
176. Rushmore
177. Cider houserules
178. Driving miss daisy
179. The Village
180. Over her dead body
181. Cold Mountian

95 of 181 – 52% Oh man I got an F

I couldn't do it!

It's a nice day out, is it not?

Ah nature observances. I am still 5 behind or something like that. Time to double up.

Saturday I am going to see the Wineys and company. Cool.

Can you live like this?

"There's no times at all, just the New York Times."

Snakes escaped from the dashboard during the rain so light.
I was higher than an air-o-plane, higher than an air-o-plane.

We pulled into the refueling station. "Open all the time" the sign read. Full service, wiper blade replacement.

My life lead me to believe those neon lights were for show, and the candy ridden confines of the store were for the obese paritioners. I would feel bad using the restroom and then not buying anything. So I went in, did my business and came out 65 cents poorer.

Attendant:

"Keep the asphalt wet." he said. "No one likes a hot pave-ment." - "So keep that pave-a-ment slicked."

"It's rude to have hot cement." he said "Have you ever walked barefoot on a summer's day on a summer's day pave-ment?" "You walk fast-er and your poor feet squeal. So pour that water on the ground and let's be court-e-ous."

"Hot rocks, hot sand, hot coals - what-have-you...they don't compare to this here hot baking sun sidewalk."

"Defy me and you'll learn, by turn and turn that this is not your average walk of courage. So please fill another bucket and douse the pavement."

"You'll never walk on water son, but you can walk on soaked sidewalks."

A sign on the door read "No shoes, no shirt, no service."

We can wear heat here.

Bring your Map here, you'll need it. The coffee is in the rear if you need it. The cola baptismal is at the head of the building if you choose to use it. Contact the usher for those dollar hot dogs. Do the long sticks of beef jerky scare you? They scare me too.

How about cold slushies? All size cups are the same size and you can mix and match flavors. There's something for everyone here.

Shop lifters should watch their back, though. We've got mirrors, inked tags, and metal detection devices. This will stop you dead in tracks.

Easter weekend. I get really bored at home, but I have had a relaxing time. I don't think I like Smash Brothers on Gamecube, but I played a whole lot of it. And I played Coach K's College Basketball on Sega. I like that game. I also like candy. I am too full of it right now, but later I am eating some pizza.

I feel blessed when I come home, because of my family, but it also makes me miss the good friends I have made at school. Even those who are in Australia.

The Cavs won!

91 to 76.

R.I.P. Paul Silas...I don't know if I agree with your departure.

JK went well. I have been staying up really late this past week. I am pretty tired.

Well people don't like the hard and heavy.

Went to Indianapolis today and viewed an exhibit on female painters from Indiana. The contemporary works were really good. I can say just about every one had something I liked in it. Max said it was going to be a bunch of paintings of kitchens and bunnies but I didn't get it. And Lindsey gave him a mean look after he said it. So maybe it meant something derogatory towards women.

Who knows.

If I could gather all my past mistakes and equate them down to one single word. A noun. It would be pride. Being human, and suffering from (My -prideful- humanity.) that of a fallen perspective it starts to rule my everyday life. Not being humble (An opposite of pride.) causes a barrier between oneself and another.

Too proud to be loved.

This, however is a mere realization and not and end by any means. Something this ingrained in my thinking will take work.

Too prideful to work towards humility.

Power to the prideful.
Peace to the humble.
Strength to both.

New Or(e)leans was fun. Nashville was more fun. Good trip!

Is my life less examined? I don't know. Did I live? Did I feel alive? I think so.

ARE WE NOT MEN?

Trophy girlfriends become trophy wives.
Fitted clothing turns to baggy sweats.

Positive Energy Dome!



Think positive!

I locked every door in my house tonight. Watched 5 episodes of Cowboy Bebop, and fell asleep. Drank a Holiday Spice Pepsi, ate a sub. Put on my headphones. Total isolation, and I would only let one person in this whole wide world in the door.

Cindy Crawford.

Avery Elizabeth!

Romance at it's finest...(the kind I really identify with.) Not that sentimental crap, but an honest statement of love, infatuation, or lust I guess. Hopefully love could spur on a comment like this:

"I would never stick my head in a gas oven at the end of an evening with you."

-About A Boy by Nick Hornby.




It hurts my throat to breeeeeeeeeathe.

If I could own the eternal optimism of Foxtrot...I'd be set for life.

"Why the grouchy face?"

"Mom says I have to read all the Valentines I got."

"You don't normally read them?

"Heck no I don't want to expose myself to a bunch of girly flirtation! I mean look at some of these...'Dear Jason, Happy Valentines day you nerdy twit.'"

"Calling you a nerdy twit is flirting?

"It's an anagram of trendy wit."

The duality of man.

"You have no faith to lose...and you know it."

It's hard to get up in the morning when you aren't God.

In the grand scheme of things I really have stood in wonderment at the accomplishment you've made in me.

Yes, that was directed at you, Andy.

Ok this is the first time I have realized I use my iPod too much. I was sitting at a concert with earplugs in and I thought, I better take my iPod out so I can hear this music better. So I reached towards my ears and realized it was ear plugs and not my earphones.

Yes. I am moron.

"Soon enough your friends will find you out."

I have to get that very un-manly poem off the top of my site:



And put a very manly picture up. (Of Flash monkey!)

Winter ain't for dreaming babe,
It is for scheming, babe.

Out our neighborhood doors we'll strut, babe.
All bundled up, babe.

Like pretty packed peanuts.
In those big brown boxes.

And around we'll traipse like little smug foxes, babe.

Living out escapade.

I got some peachy rings tonight. Now everything in my life is peachy.

Well another party down. I sat from 7 to 10 in the side room doing paint marker tattoos. People actually tipped me too.

Guy: "Hey, you actually made some money tonight!"
Me: "Yeah, I'm going to Red Lobster tomorrow."

Then I went to a meeting in the art building and clocked in. So I got paid for a meeting. It's ok though because my professor said I could get back pay for working when I didn't have a time card. It's completely legal I swear.

Today I am going in again to work the rest of the day.

I got stuck in my driveway last night while coming back from Steak and Shake. The snow was up so high that it was scraping the bottom of my car. Now there is a large muddy rut in the yard. So I got my newly purchased blizzard emergency shovel with extentible handle and dug out. Then I came inside and got an old pizza box for traction. I put that under my right driver's side wheel. Then I rocked it back and forth and got pulled all the way out of my drive way. Soon after I mounted enough speed to carve my way back into the drive way and parked again. It was exciting. I feel like an outdoorsman.

The de-icer I got for my car looks just like pee. So I made two footprints by the door and pored a little out on the snow. Everyone is going to think it's urine.

You Are 0 Years Old

0 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Just as I feared. I am not even born yet.

I can't find any wheat paste and it is very frustrating. I went to 2 stores and asked and they didn't. What's a guy supposed to do? Yesterday me, Josh, Zack and Micah pushed his car from CVS to the repair shop. Today I took him over to pick it up. Turns out it was a case of drained battery. Very fishy. Anyway, I don't want to go to night class tonight.

I was in the art building yesterday and no one was in there. Then I saw Max on the way out and said hi to him. He didn't hear me because he was listening to music, so he pulled an earplug out and said "What?" I said: "Just saying hey." Then I left.

Who's ready for another semester?

I drooled on the collar of my shirt. So now it's cold and I zipped it up close. Now every once in a while I smell the sweet aroma of drool. And it's delightful.

Home again.

(See previous post.)

Attention all friends:

If you read this, and you want a Christmas card, send me an email with:

Your Name
Address
and 1 good reason you should get a card.

Send your email to: jeff.beaver@gmail.com

First come, first serve!

Thank you.

This week has been nothing but Mexican and Italian food. I will have a heart attack tomorrow.

Saturday- Lunch = Mexican
Sunday- Lunch = Mexican
Sunday- Dinner = Italian
Monday- Lunch = Italian
Tuesday- Dinner = Mexican

I feel like my body is going to give on me.

You forgot insensitive!

Cold, distant, inconsiderate, belligerent, opinionated, loud, over-bearing, And I don't understand why.

I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.

I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.

I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.
I'm going to eat at 1:30.

I'm going to eat at 1:30.

Music from memories "haunted" me last night. As Micah and I listened to Sublime. I remember buying it and only listening to it at night because it had a parental advisory on it. So sometime after 11:30 I would slip it in the stereo and fall asleep to it. Don't tell my mom.

I like the All American Rejects. Thanks, Christen.

Fleeting sites of vanity. Used lip-balm, and those little breath strips.
Like garage cooled cola, it never quite achieves it's full flavor.
These are the things I have come to know in my youth.
These are the things I have to come to know in my mouth.
They still exist now, as my years pass by.

Although, sometimes in a fleeting moment alone...
I can - but - barely see past the feral, untrimmed hedges of my own clouded vision.
Into something deeper, and a love that is sung...
only in unison.

As the chords drift by on thin, wispy, visceral memories...
We don't see our future, but a past we have toppled.
As the toddling tower fell, you looked at me and smiled something...
That I had never felt before:
More than those fresh sticks of gum the beauties gracefully placed in their mouths.

I had one terrific dream last night.

Well I remember one part. I was in the city of Cleveland and I was walking around. I know I was with a friend, but now I don't remember who. We stopped into this record store and the guys in MxPx worked and owned it. And I walked in and they said "Hey Jeff!" like we had known each other for a long time. After they said that I "remembered" we used to hang out. They told me that they now lived above the record store and they run it. They had terribly designed business cards and flyers so I thought I could re-design them. Then I took a shower there and the room flooded and I began mopping it up. Some other customers came in and they were dressed in rags but looking for something and one of them had a beard. Crazy.

He went on for another couple of minutes about the lecture. I didn’t really follow all of it, I was half looking at the hippies and half not comprehending what exactly he was saying. He usually spoke to me over my head. Not on purpose, but he was vague in a philosophical way. If you asked him if there was an apple on the table when there blatantly was, he would reply with some sort of drawn out conclusion about the being of the apple, and no matter where it was there it was. Not many people disliked him, but sometimes he could get confusing.

Just then Tim and Con’s banter came to an abrupt halt. Sort of like if you are talking in class and the teacher sneaks up behind you when you are talking a friend. The friend sees him and you don’t but your friend stops talking and you get caught at the tail end of a sentence. "blah blah blah – so and so Mr. Heslen is a terrible professor."

"Did you see that?" Constance asked it total shock.

Having not paid attention, I did not see anything. I tend to be pretty observant, but sometimes people see things I don’t. Walking up to our table was Andrice. Maybe I forgot to mention this, but there happened to be a band playing at the shop tonight. Just your run of the mill white noise brought to you by some college sophomores. I hated bands that were technically good, but really didn’t have good influences. Most of their influence came from the top 40 or whatever. Throw in a few obscure or not so obscure Brit. pop bands.

Andrice was a nice girl. She exemplified a daddy’s little girl if I ever saw one. She dressed like a pro, and had a pretty good sense of color schemes. Pretty much all the girls that were in my circle of friends dressed like that. They used the modern fashionable colors, but not the clothes. Making it in style, but maybe not at the same time. At any rate, it worked.

She walked up behind Red covering his eyes. This was the typical juvenile game she played. It charmed everyone. Asking Red "Do you know who I am?" she stepped back a bit and waited before leaning in and whispering something intelligible into his ear. Red was no dummy, he gripped her hands like a man searching in the dark. He felt her specific jewelry and came to his conclusion.

"Andrice?" Red said questioningly but knowingly. He really was no dummy.
"How’d you guess?" She replied.
"Well, you know, I guess I am just good like that."

With a sly smile on his face, he pulled out a chair for her. She sat between Red and I, with Tim sitting directly to my left, and Con completing the circle. Red leaned on the back of the chair, Andrice leaned forward with her attention to Red, I slouched, Tim sat straight forward, and Con, slid back easy on her chair.

I tapped my foot due to my over stimulated blood stream. Coffee could and would effect me like that. Con got back to what she had noticed before: "I cannot believe she was holding his hand!" Con was too good for contractions.

"Who held who’s hand?" 2 or 3 of us said in shock.
"Oh this boy I see here who was dating that girl who read that poem last night. I saw her crying after her shift and now he is holding that other girl’s hand."
"Could it be his sister, cousin or niece?" Red asked.
"No I don’t think so…" "They seemed awfully flirty."

Constance frequently put her nose in other people’s business. We all did. We put our collective noses in other people’s business. In the shop we would sit. We would notice footwear, headwear, and pants. We were always looking for a good pair of pants. Cool jeans were hard to come by, and we weren’t loyal to ours.

To the left of me, like I said, was Tim. Tim, on this night, wore a plain pale green sweater. He was very particular about his sweaters. No print, little pattern, and non-restrictive. You would think he was OCD. But he’s not. He usually wears some nice pants, or some nice jeans, but he is more concerned about his sweaters. If there is pattern on the sweater, than it can’t distract from the hue of the sweater. He would wear sweaters in warm, cool, hot, and cold temperatures. He had a book with him, and the author was one of those intermediates between a great but over rated writer and an unfamiliar but under rated writer. He wasn’t really into literature, but he was if you talked to him about it.

Constance was in her athletic sweats. She was relatively active and played a few leisurely sports. She mostly jogged or walked, because sports can become too competitive. They aren’t to most people, but were with Con. She wanted everyone to get along. Her black running pants weren’t of the nylon persuasion. They make too much noise when she walked. They were some sort of poly-cotton blend. They stretched with her legs as she walked and were pretty fit.

Usually on rainy days, or nights that were too cold to go out and do something I would head to the library to read. On those days where my friends didn’t call me I just stayed in my room. Really, I know, I could have made the effort to call, but I didn’t. I am a bad friend like that, but usually, people don’t notice you are being aloof. They just think you are busy with work, or maybe out visiting your folks, or out with other people. So, for that reason, my friends don’t bother calling. They simply assume I am not pent up in this one dank, dingy, and dimly lit room.
Certain friends were different. Constance always wanted to know what was going on.

She was one of those busy bodies. Who was with whom, where are they going, what happened last night. The list goes on and on. Mostly though, I find all women are busy bodies. Well more so that they like to engage people and long for knowledge of every little detail. This is what I hoped, anyway. Con, wouldn’t let me call her (or anyone for that matter) Connie. For some reason, the juvenile connotation was a bit much. And since "Stance" wasn’t much of a nick name, I called her Con.

She always wanted to get what she had earned. This is evident in how she lives each part of her life. She works hard, she plays hard, and she has a good time. This is a very good quality (hard worker), but it wouldn’t kill her to be a little apathetic about something’s from time to time. Sometimes, she’d pretend to be apathetic. Though it would come off, obvious to everyone but her: that she was actually worrying more than she should. She liked to fool herself, and rarely fooled others. She was good at this.

Drinking a drink, overpriced and extremely bitter, Con once approached me. It was one of those rainy days I had just told about. She had also bought a drink. I think it was an orange tea of some sort. It was with three sugars and as sweet as her personality. At the shop where we sat, they were playing "Overture" by the Who. Quite a song for a rainy day, but I think it was to zap the works out of the weekday haze more than anything. Actually I think they were playing the whole Tommy record, a feat in it’s self.

She sat down quietly and didn’t say anything. I was reading a paper and depressing myself in the world’s current state. I can’t read papers, or internet news much. I get depressed about the world, it gets me down. If only we could settle every worldly dispute with a game of checkers. I would like to think there would be no more Israeli-Palestinian violence, no more religious persecution or, dare I say it…plastic and over played pop stars. Now, these aren’t the only problems in the world today, but without these, there would be a lot less. I guess it all comes down to putting down the guns, putting down the Bibles and burning the current pop stars at the stake.

But really, witch burning is what got us in this mess, right? Ok, Enough with the cryptic and confusing thoughts. I peered up from my paper at Constance. She was reading as well. Though it was light reading and only the text on her teacup. It was one of those tea cups that has a bunch of inspiration phrases that some fat man in an office came up with. As in: "I can’t get started in the morning without my coffee." Or something like "Today is better than yesterday, yesterday was Monday." They kind of make sense, but in the same light they don’t. They do, however generate and entice you into getting a refill.

Being that she was drinking tea, these phrases must have confused her and she stared off into the blank space that was the coffee shop’s ceiling. She sighed three times and finally spouted out, right in the middle of me reading about another massacre of the Tigers, that she was leaving.

djkghjahuiwhongajkgh.

Now don’t get me wrong. All these people are my friends. We have had many good times, we have shared a lot and been there for each other. I am being hypercritical in my analysis. I tend to do that sometimes. I also fashion myself as a closet introvert. I mean, look at these writings, don’t you think I am a tad pensive? Or am I thoughtless, heartless and selfish. I am hard on my friends, but it’s all honesty.

So I have another one for you. His name is Red. Red got his name, or at least from me for being the exact opposite. He is very black and white in his thinking. You are either right or wrong, and you always have 2 choices. To Red, there is no gray.

Thursday night, Red joined us in the usual spot at the coffee shop. Now as a group we are being very stereotypical of 20 something’s. We sit in a shop, which sells these terrible tasting drinks. In this shop we confer, we adhere, and we encourage each other. These talks are a big pat on the back to our collective ego(s). We sat a round table. We being Tim, Con, Red and I. Con and Tim were already up to their usual banter. They are both creatively inclined. It’s nice to eavesdrop sometimes, on their creative conversations, but other times, it’s such a burden. I wish that for once we could not talk about these such issues: art, politics, music, and gossip.

Red sat down, slowly in his hard-backed chair. The shop had bad drinks, hard backed chairs, and loud music. Hardly a place for geriatrics, I know, but that’s probably the exact reason we conversed there. Red usually brought his own drink, which was most likely against house rules, but these neo-beatniks cared nothing about it. To them, this was a means to get their poetry careers started.

One time, at an open mic, I heard one of them:

"Air so thin, I can hardly breathe
I’m filled with such angst, and with no re-reprieve
You desert me again.

Now I wander with no purpose
I shop with no purses
And I’m stuck in the cereal isle."

Red had respect for the arts, and loved debates. He hated that poem, but the one who read this atrocity was kind on cute, in a neo-beatnik way. I respected her for giving it a go, but she needed to list in a few more literature courses. She probably ain’t even read Poe.

Turning his chair backwards, Red announced his arrival. "Hey guys." Red’s greetings were often short, but always polite. I loved this guy. Red never bothered telling you all his stories, he was never interested in boosting his own myth, but he was always interested in ours. Ours being Tim, Con and Mine. He was a man of few words, but when he did speak it was always well said. Tim and Con ignored Red, save for a nice "Hi" and a quick nod. Then back to the action of the debate of the night.

"Hey, Red, how are you? Anything interesting going on?" I replied.
"Oh, well I just got back from that lecture I told you about. It was pretty interesting." Red didn’t coat his sentences in superfluous adjectives or action verbs. He was strictly a get to the point type of person. He was Red, and he was black and white.

Don't test my loyalty. You wouldn't want me to detract.

Here's something to know about me: Don't mess with my friends. Even if you are a friend of mine messing with another friend of mine. You better treat them right.

…I didn't give anyone permission to see inside of my head. "Well that's your problem, anyway" If you were a friend, you would grant me grace and realize everyone needs their secrets. Without secrets, nothing would eat you alive.
Tim was always saying dick things like that. Tim was just one of them. If you could ask him to be gentle with a baby lamb, he'd slay it and burn its ashes to make a milkshake. In short, he was insensitive. Or, to say the least, a tad destructive. He'd like to pretend he was actually being bluntly honest but what he was really doing was unconsciously tearing your self-esteem into little pieces of confetti.But he always a celebration anyway. It was fine by me, I let him live. My other friends couldn't handle it as well. Either I'm thick skinned or a pushover. Or maybe I am just as insensitive and brash.
Secrets though, lend themselves to be strange bedfellows. One moment you're glad to have kept yourself so pure. Not tainting them with a stranger's opinion and heresy. I'd be a good cowboy. It would be easy not to talk to anyone. All you have is cattle and they listen to you in silence.

Not Constance. In fact, just the name Constance leads you to believe, and this just by hearing the name: That she is better than you. Or she can do something better than you. Like in first grade, if you and her we in those reading groups, she'd be a blue bird reading at 3rd grade level and you were still trying to pronounce simple words. She'd play it off, though. Demeaning herself if ever she got a better grade than you.
"Gosh, I really thought I was going to fail this test. Geez. So how did you do?"
"I got a 62."
"Oh, I'm really sorry, but really, I didn't study at all. It must be some fluke."

This heavenly girl could also be conniving. Not in the usual woman head game thing, but because she could think 4 moves ahead, she'd get you. Just then, she barged in on Tim and I.

"Oh, how are you doing?"

This greeting wasn't directed to anyone in general. It was to show us she didn't favor one over the other. Evading all conflict, she gave us a "cover-all" hello, and it was just subtle enough for us to accept it as a kind gesture. She often wore herself thin being everything to everyone. People loved and adored her though. Every single time she saw you it was like you had been locked away for a quarter of a century.

"So what are you doing tonight?"

Addressing the two of us, not making eye contact, but focusing her gaze upon the single poster in my room: One of the latest pop star, of course hung in jest, but none the less a guilty pleasure of mine.

"I will probably bum around." Tim explained, as if Constance and I or his other friends weren't good enough to make some sort of commitment or arrangement to hang out.

"I've been pretty tired lately, and really diving into my work. I can't imagine me being anyone's idea of good company."

Cutting him off in mid-stream she gave some encouragement. "Tim, you know no one thinks that!"This is what made his and hers relationship a special one.

Tim needed affirmation frequently, and Constance, the patron saint of everything good and nice was more than welcome to buffer his fragile ego. I'd like to think Con had a heart of gold, but even her words seemed light on sincerity. She, like Tim hated any sort of commitment. "So anyway, can I have those pictures of Sara?" Tim asked. "What do you mean?" "Well, it’s just, you guys are broken up and seeing how I am friends with her too, I would like to remember her in…""In what, Tim?" By now, I was becoming to realize what he was going to lay on me next…"Well, you know, when she was happy."
"No, I don’t care if you date her. We are still friends and I love her to death, and I can accept that she wants to be happy."

Far be it from my friends to also realize I was still grasping, very fledgingly towards some sort of happiness too. She wasn’t the only martyr in this relationship. If she was a martyr, I’d like to know what exactly she died for.
"Come on man, I would never do that to you. – What kind of creep do you take me for?""The creepiest." Constance and I said in unison.

I think she was starting to see a glimmer of trying to understand how I feel. She was really trying to be a friend, no matter her motives. I can accept that. I will take what I can get, most of the time.

Secrets though, lend themselves to be strange bed fellows. One moment you're glad to have kept yourself so pure. Not tainting them with a stranger's opinion and heresy. I'd be a good cowboy. It's was not to talk to anyone. All you have is cattle and they listen to you in silence. Not Constance.

In fact, just the name Constance leads you to believe, and this just by hearing the name: That she is better than you. Or she can do something better than you. Like in first grade, if you and her we in those reading groups, she'd be a blue bird reading at 3rd grade level and you were still trying to pronounce simple words. She'd play it off, though. Demeaning herself if ever she got a better grade than you.

"Gosh, I really thought I was going to fail this test. Geez. So how did you do?"
"I got a 62."
"Oh, I'm really sorry, but really, I didn't study at all. It must be some fluke."

This heavenly girl could also be conniving. Not in the usual woman head game thing, but because she could think 4 moves ahead, she'd get you.

Just then, she barged in on Tim and I.

"Oh, how are you doing?" This greeting wasn't directed to anyone in general. It was to show us she didn't favor one over the other. Evading all conflict, she gave us a "cover-all" hello, and it was just subtle enough for us to accept it as a kind gesture. She often wore herself thin being everything to everyone. People loved and adored her though. Every single time she saw you it was like you had been locked away for a quarter of a century.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Addressing the two of us, not making eye contact, but focusing her gaze upon the single poster in my room: One of the latest pop star, of course hung in jest, but none the less a guilty pleasure of mine.

"I will probably bum around." Tim explained, as if Constance and I or his other friends weren't good enough to make some sort of commitment or arrangement to hang out. "I've been pretty tired lately, and really diving into my work. I can't imagine me being anyone's idea of good company."

Cutting him off in mid-stream she gave some encouragement. "Tim, you know no one thinks that!"

This is what made his and hers relationship a special one. Tim needed affirmation frequently, and Constance, the patron saint of everything good and nice was more than welcome to buffer his fragile ego. I'd like to think Con had a heart of gold, but even her words seemed light on sincerity. She, like Tim hated any sort of commitment.

Tim was always saying dick things like that. Tim was just one of them. If you could ask him to be gentle with a baby lamb, he'd slay it and burn it's ashes to make a milkshake. In short, he was insensitive. Or, to say the least a tad destructive. He'd like to pretend he was actually being bluntly honest but what he was really doing was unconsciously tearing your self esteem into little pieces of confety.

But he always a celebration anyway. It was fine by me, I let him live. My other friends couldn't handle it as well. Either I'm thick skinned or a pushover. Or maybe I am just as insensitive and brash.

I didn't give anyone permission to see inside of my head. "Well that's your problem, anyway" If you were a friend, you would grant me grace and realize everyone needs their secrets. Without secrets, nothing would eat you alive.

It was 1979 today.

Life has been crazy lately. I can't even begin to explain it.

Things I once held as common currency are being turned upside down. My views have all seemed skewed. All this within a few weeks of school. Why can nothing be simple. It sounds so funny, but now that those days are over, those days which I thought were so hard, I want them back. Like pieces of silver I traded for scraps of food.

Most of this sounds a lot more dramatic than it is, and I have so much I should feel blessed to have. There seems like there is some kind of monumental change around the bend and I keep turning, but the road never straightens. It's the long anticipation that keeps me on edge.

Would things be different if I changed you?

I dressed for my PE class today and did 3 stretches and left. So it was very fulfilling. Speaking of fulfilling...Well yeah.

I have another big Art History test today, very exciting. I am studied out, so that's why I ain't studying now. I wish I could go to the AWV show tonight, but I have to go listen to Paul Copernoperirgototpo speak.

SPRITE REMIXXX!

Yesterday was a busy day. IWU played Spalding University in soccer and the FC Reds were out in full force. IWU one in golden goal fashion, scoring the winning goal with 3 mins left in overtime. We had some really good cheers, even though there were more people who could have cheered. They were there for the girls game afterwards. Shea and I agree that they only cheer for the girls because they want to get some "tail". (They are all guys).

I also did about 7 test prints for my first printmaking project. I did printer's proofs on Japanese newsprint, pages from atlas', phonebook paper, etc. I did one on regular paper too, which I will turn in Monday.

This weekend I am going home to see Amanda and go to a Columbus Crew game. Andrew will be there and this guy is playing:
(Freddie Adu). I am going to make a poster which reads "Much ADU about nothing!" It's nerdy, so what.

Let's try to remember what friends are for instead of what friendships can do for me.

Last night I got my first ever IM from an anonymous blog reader. I think her name was Chokerose or something. I felt like a celebrity.

I had the opprotunity to go sit outside and read my American Government HW. It was really interesting to read in depth on how our Constitution was formed and organized. I would probably have been an Antifederalist. They were the ones who wanted a bill of rights. So thanks to them, we can't be pushed around by those who govern us. Well, for the most part.

It was so nice out, I considered taking a nap in the grass. I didn't though, I drank a Wild Cherry Pepsi instead. I hate regular Pepsi, but Cherry Coke is too acidic. That's right, I said it. It's too acidic.

Who has the better life? The bum, the brat, the esteemed? The one with the credit or the one who deserves the credit? Can someone really make a difference? Or does someone choose to be impacted.

If you get a car for free, or if you have a big house, or if you are the CEO of a big business, or if you pray in church, or if you burn a church...We all ultimately have an end to our lives. It doesn't matter, because it all ends.

The free rides, the business luncheons, and the lonely nights asleep on a park bench.

They all end.

Can I come in? Because I don't want to leave you. Is it the twinkle in your eye or the pause inbetween your breaths? Can I come in? This night is too long to go without seeing you pulse.

Eventually.

No matter what happens in my life, one lyric always stands the test of time with me.

"Can we return, to the golden age?"

I wonder if I will go on through life and always think this, or maybe I can change and realize right here and right now is where I should be.

RIP Johnny Ramone.

Everyone has their problems, and it's up to them how they react. Most people have guidelines, or social folkways and moraes to instruct them on how to act. People have patterns to how they react to heartache, depression, sorrow, etc.

People also have these same patterns for joy and happiness. Each person has a set way of reaction they have learned through the years. It is possible to predict these patterns accordingly. This can cause people to be manupulative.

Based on the fact that these set patterns to joy and sadness can be predicted from person to person, one can choose whether or not to be manipulative. So does this mean people actually choose whether or not they are manipulated? Just by the way they might react to joy/sadness? Possibly yes. Possibly no.

All and all, it's never anyone's fault. After all, we are only human.

So almost a week.

I was thinking today as I walked outside how it already smelled like "fall". Or "Autumn" for you purists. Fall is my favorite season. It used to be winter, but has since changed to fall. Fall is very adaptive weather. Summer and Winter are too extreme, and Spring is too rainy.

Fall makes me romatic. The visuals of the leaves, the smells, the warm clothes.

I went outside today to read underneath my favorite tree. I fear these relaxing visits will be few and far between being that the semester is underway.

Day 2 is over.

I am at school now and done with my first day of classes.

I am going to barf with anticipation:

"If you are listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you are a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons." - Alice Cooper

I cannot

and I stress cannot believe I am up this early. I just could not sleep. I should be getting to some laundry now.

Yesterday I did a little school shopping. Some tea and some jeans and a shirt were bought. Too much tea was bought. So if you like tea, feel free to stop by my house for a cup. You supply the mug, I will supply the bag and water.

Today I made a 25$ contribution to the Ralph Nader campaign. I purchased 10 buttons and 10 stickers. So if you want one, comment and let me know.

Who's back from vacation? Of course, me.

North Carolina was fun. The last night of the trip Amanda an I saw Hero, that was basically the highlight of my trip...haha. Most of the time I spent with Amanda was the highlight. There were two nights we went out on the beach really late and just talked until we couldn't breathe any more ocean air.

That's as sappy as I get.

So this week I am going to start packing for school. It's pretty hectic getting stuff together, but I can pull it out. This year, no more than 2 accessory boxes. It will be a record. That does not include my computer, records, and record player.

I have to end this blog on a high note before I go on vacation.

Here goes nothing:

"let me think, no there were other good influences, APRIL was for a while till she started sucking"

Books I bought today (I felt grown up):

Author,Title

Robert Lewis Stevenson, Treasure Island
S.E. Hinton, Taming the Star Runner
S.E. Hinton, That Was Then, This is Now
Giovanni Boccaccio, The Decameron
Ayn Rand, Anthem

I guess I like the letter "T".

I am thinking about a fugue state. I think it would be fun. Any takers?

Today I went to the Red Bull Flugtag, and Bootsy Collins was a judge. As I was standing by the judges area I yelled "Heyyyyy Boooootsy!" and he looked down and we waved at each other. A match made in Funk heaven I tell you.



Be cool ma babays!

Hey, I have Away With Vega and An American Family Photo Expirience on my iPod.

A recent picture of me:

A reply:

"Jeff,That sucks. Total bummer story and I'm sorry to hear it. Oddly enough, thisisn't the first time I've had someone email me a very similar thing. Ouchman, that's terrible every time. Send me your address and I'll try to sendyou out a new CD. I'm bad with mail but should be going to the post officesoon. Good luck with everything. Ciou,Dave"

I saw one of these in my town:

I like loyalty.

Keeping it real.



Yes, that is cardboard and a juicy juice box holding it up.

The following is an email I wrote to the fine bandmembers of Challenger:

I know this message may not go directly to the horse's mouth (the members of Challenger) but I thought it would be an interesting story to relay to the info section, or if it's possible to forward the information on to the band.

With that jargon said: Here is my story. I have been a fan of the Milemarker/Challenger contingency for a little while now. Seeing you as Milemarker in Chicago and Challenger this summer in Cleveland. Good shows. I was pretty excited to hear that Challenger (Geez how many times can I type it?) would put out an album out the beginning of this summer. So I bought it the week or so it came out. I really enjoy the record.

This, however isn't the point of me writing you fine folks. It's more to inform you of the irony that unexpectedly showed up in my front lawn this morning. Well I woke up this morning about 6AM, and found that my driver's side window had been smashed, and my cd player ripped out. Leaving a gaping hole in my dash.

The neighborhood I live in is relatively safe, so I was quite suprised and, well, kinda mad. I didn't stop to think what cd was in my cd player. So as I was getting a ride to work, I remembered. Challenger's "Give the people what they want...(In small doses)" So in this case, for the person who stole the cdplayer/cd really did get what they wanted. Being that I have no form of security besides locks on the doors.

Thought you guys would like a good story and commentary(?) about today's society. Have a good one. - Jeff

Goodnight.

Anyone who reads this is a putz.

http://pizza.sandwich.net/poke/pokemon.html
 
Your Pokéname is:

Poliorb

Profile:
You live in the steppes of Ireland, and your diet consists mostly of grass, insects and coffee.

Characteristics:
(Combat and Non-combat)You can throw force bolts. You can drink Mr. PiBB. You have goassamer wings. You can throw 8-track tapes. You can shoot wind. You have big hair. You have a magic chest of hats.

Natural Enemies: Your natural enemy is Mootle.

Stick with me.

So another birthday has come and gone. Now look who's 22 and none the wiser. Maybe I am a little bit wiser. I got some DVD's and some CD's and some CEO's and some PSP's with some CFC's. I also went to a Japanese steak house where they cook in front of you. Our chef kept asking us "Who's yo dadee???". It was fun. Then I saw King Arthur with Amanda. I liked it, but it didn't change my life.

I typed out this huge heart felt email to Andrew and the internet bug ate it.

I was going to paste the last thing I copied, because maybe it might be interesting, but I don't have anything. I right clicked and all it said was Undo, Delete and Select all.

Josh hates me because I swore I would call him last week and I didn't. I am a terrible friend.

In other friend news, Sam confessed his like to a certain girl.

Pistons win!

Been working. Saw the Aquabats last night! My life is now complete. It was Cleveland and Ryland actually drove. How nice of him to repay Amanda for the 300 rides she gave him last summer. Maybe this is a new trend. He should drive more often. I woulnd't count on it though. Haha.

Work is good, except for the cleaner that gives me heart palpatations. Leiderhosen Lucil was hilarious last night, so I bought a pin and 2 stickers.

Tonight could be the final game, go Pistons.

News flash: I'm dead.