I don't know.

I'm still driving on Will's gas.
And I'm -- still -- driving -- on -- Will's -- gas.
Thanks, Will. For the gas.

You know that song you liked?
The one you liked so much?
For me -- it's a shredded curtain blown by wind.

It is held together now...with:
1.Weak strands woven through ventricles.
2. (Inaudible medical mumblings)
For -- me it was like little pins...

It's held together now, like a glued rock.
It's safely tied!...In a knotted sock.
It's cemented now in Plaster of Paris.
It's a frozen fossil now, Allosaurus fragilis...

Planted architecture, and locked beer cases.
Familiar places - non familiar faces.
This started my hoarsest week.
My chest is solid.

I miss you and I don't even know you.
And I'm so ready to love

Thanks for taking all my advice and using it for your next conquer. And using up all the grace I had inside of me. I make no excuses, and I am not cool. I don't have a hat to match a jacket. I felt like I was in highschool again.

I'm not cool, but I like who I am.

It's not strength I seek, it's the power of the meek.

It will take a miracle, or it will take a million years...
for me to come around again.
I'll always be wrong and weak.

Love me and to the grass I go.
Cattle, and pit bulls.
Bird calls, cat calls.
Bird calls, cat calls.
Cat calls!

It's not you in the foreground, it's you...
In the back!

"Lord help me change."
"Lord I'll need what I prayed for yesterday today too."

I sold a piece at the 1920 Gallery show. It was an 8'' by 11'' drawing called Twinkie Temptation. Pretty encouraging. I have yet to find out who purchased it. If it isn't someone I know it will be my first sale to someone who has no relation/friendship with me. If it is someone I know, it will still be ok, because I love the fact that people respect the work I pour myself into. The compliment of a purchase is a golden feeling of validation that I haven't felt very much growing up doing art.

I'm much to nostagic for my friends most of the time, so there are always things I want to tell them, but feel that if I did it would be a little too mushy. Either that or my thought comes out a garbled mess of speech not wholly conveying what I had planned to say. So I am going to make a mini list.

The friend who I look forward to working with.
The couples who have provided for me.
The girl who is extremely encouraging. (She has no idea)
Witty and rediculously girl magnet friends.
Those who really care.
The one who makes me laugh the hardest.

If you think one of these is you, it probably is.

I found out a few days ago that the stray cat which annoys (the one I have an on going feud with) my neighbors and I is actually "owned" by the lady a few houses away. Why doesn't she keep it inside on -8 degree days? I don't know. But she evidently cracks her garage in the summer.

Last night I dreamt I had a new 6.0, Canon megapixel camera. Then I woke up to find I had none. What a bummer. When I was little like 7 or 8 I had a similar dream about a skateboard. The next morning, I ran out to the garage to go use my skateboard to find I did not have one. Again, what a bummer.

I also had a dream about a ghost cat that I thought I killed, but when I threw things at it, they went right through it. So I could not kill it. When I went down to my car to go to work, that same stupid black stray cat was waiting for me. I think for revenge.

So the show went well, except for the last hour or so which was spent getting evaluated by my friends who think they see male reproductive organs in my paintings. Everyone from far away came, including Charissa, Samo, and Katrina. I was pleased with that. I handed out a lot of hand made business cards so that was good. Still as nervous as always.

Sometimes I really think I will never escape myself.

Sometimes I am ok with this, other times I'm not.

At least I know I am loved.

I have some drawing and paintings in a art show coming up.

Monday, Feb. 5th 2007
1920 Gallery
Indiana Wesleyan University S.C.
from 4 to 10pm






Change me, Change me, Change me.

Just when I think I can't get any lower, I do.

Things affect me way too much. I feel like I can't change this.

I'm a workaholic and I care more than enough for dime jobs that don't even matter.

I cannot be myself under stress. I need to grow up.

First snow of the season and of 2007 in Marion, Indiana is to be recorded for January 15th through 16th.

Well I don't want just a girl to fool around with
Well I don't want just a girl to ball alright
What I want is a girl that I care about
Or I want nothing at all.
Alright

Well I won't pretend I like a girl if I really don't
And act like she's great when she makes me feel appalled
All I want is a girl that I care about
Or I want nothing at all.

Well I don't want some cocaine sniffing triumph in the bar
Well I don't want a triumph in the car
I don't want to make a rich girl crawl
What I want is a girl that I care about
Or I want no one at all
Alright, listen to this now.

Picture this:
I'm walking with my girlfriend
28 misguided souls combined say, "We're moving in"
There's a certain kind of girl that you care about so much
You say, "I don't care what you guys do to me, but her, DON'T TOUCH!"

'Cause I don't want just a girl to fool around with
I don't want just a girl to ball
What I want is a girl that I care about
Or I want nothing at all
Oh alright

Well I don't want a girl to fool around with no
I don't want just a girl to ball no
What I want is a girl that I care about
Or I want nothing at all.

Alright gentlemen.

I'm shallow.

R.I.P. James Brown.

Sometimes I can't believe how fear and uncertainty start to weasel their way into my life. I want to do things, but then I think about how things in my life are so unstable, I can't bank on them staying the same. So it stops me, and inhibits me. I am confused on how to live life, should I play my cards close? Or should I just do what I want to do? And how can I be sure it's fear stopping me and not better judgment?

At the same time, I am content. I have a peace, and I don't worry as much as I used to. I trust a lot more. How much of my life can be fulfilled? Are my desires to love and to live selfish ones?

I just want to love Christ, and show it. I want to meet someone who wants to do the same. Maybe we can grow together. But am I good enough for that? Am I immature and idealistic? Or will someone blow me away?

I want God to live in and around me, and I want to live in him. I want to eventually share that as a common interest with someone.

"Lord help me change."
"Lord I'll need what I prayed for yesterday today too."

Movies I like in which John Williams has composed the music for: (In chronological order of release)

The Towering Inferno (1974)
Jaws (1975)
Star Wars (1977)
Superman (1978)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back (1982)
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Star Wars: the Return of the Jedi (1983)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Space Camp (1986)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Home Alone (1990)
Hook (1991)
Schindler's List (1993)
Seven Years in Tibet (1997)
Minority Report (2002)
Catch Me if You Can (2002)
The Terminal (2004)
Munich (2005)

Count them it's 19 and 5 before I was born.

I'm so sick of it.