Sometimes I can't believe how fear and uncertainty start to weasel their way into my life. I want to do things, but then I think about how things in my life are so unstable, I can't bank on them staying the same. So it stops me, and inhibits me. I am confused on how to live life, should I play my cards close? Or should I just do what I want to do? And how can I be sure it's fear stopping me and not better judgment?
At the same time, I am content. I have a peace, and I don't worry as much as I used to. I trust a lot more. How much of my life can be fulfilled? Are my desires to love and to live selfish ones?
I just want to love Christ, and show it. I want to meet someone who wants to do the same. Maybe we can grow together. But am I good enough for that? Am I immature and idealistic? Or will someone blow me away?
I want God to live in and around me, and I want to live in him. I want to eventually share that as a common interest with someone.
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1 comment:
I have this same problem with playing my cards, lately, so this post was good for me to read. Thank you.
Sometimes I'm afraid to pray boldly or go boldly forth because what if God calls my husband to something different? Or what if He reveals something to me first and not to John? What then? I know the answer is obvious: God will make our ways straight. Everything will be fine.
But my mind is so small. I am so near-sighted.
It's quite humbling. Am I afraid? Am I just being reasonably cautious? My mind is so small. I am so near-sighted.
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