I will probably always battle what comes first: a girlfriend, or art. Most girlfriends have not understood the importance of art in my life and my desire to express myself in that way. I feel, that it is the single most expression I can put forth. Writing doesn't do it for me, or anything else. I can put the colors, textures, values etc. That I want to and how I want them. All to create a cohesive piece or work. I have been hearing lately about men who are not passionate. And about how a lot of women are sick of men who lay around all day or are not passionate about this that or the other. But where I come in is my extreme passion for painting and drawing. I think that I am too passionate, it gets in the way of a functioning relationship. I have had one girl who has understood this, and despite her great attempts at taming whatever it is that is the driving force in me...It still failed.

It's been obvious that I don't know what I need, but I always thought this: Someone who appreciates this, and isn't trying (in vain) to funnel this passion into feelings about her. The feelings towards art can never be switched for a girl. I have 2 separate sections for love of art, and love of people.

So basically I need someone who allows me to venture over into the corners of my mind to express myself. Let me be fully done with it and then, when I can fully focus on them, come back and express my love, value, appreciation, etc for them. If that is accomplished, I can really let someone whom I care about know HOW much, and my brain won't be split into a couple different pieces and not able to focus on one thing.

Maybe I need to be psycho-analyzed.