Sometimes I feel like the desires of my life some how impeded on a grand scheme. I feel guilty half of the time, and hopeful the other half. The thing about desire is that you never know how sinful and self serving they actually could be. I'm not really sure about this, but it seems like I keep figuring out the only things in life I want are for me. According to a grand scheme, it's not about me, it's pretty much about everyone else.
I don't feel like I can really trust myself, considering I am so fallen. My self esteem when it comes to deliverance is next to nothing. Guilt sometimes makes me feel like a lost cause. Just when I think I can't get any lower, it tricks me and down I fall.
I guess my ultimate question is: Why do I feel guilty for a pang of neediness in my heart? I was created to need only One, but I often feel so lonely. Should I want and need the things of this world that ultimately reflect God? I feel unworthy enough as it is, but when I start thinking about the possibility I am just reminded how I don't NEED that fulfillment.
I just need some relief and someone to talk to.