I always said I hated you. Or that you weren't good enough. Although, tellingly enough...I was the first to admit and admire your beauty. And I'm not saying I'm in a sad state of mind, but would it be too much to ask for you to come to me again? In the beginning: there were days where we both woke up together in the blazing sun. Our first summer together, I was altogether lost. I didn't know where my hands belonged, or if they had worth. I remember, though that they were put to work each day. I never knew what a blessing you were then. But each day began with the sun, and waking up in a room with a squeaky couch, and wondering if I'd need a sweatshirt for the morning. After a few days in May, I didn't. It turned out to be one of the hottest summers I've ever experienced. Two things stand out from that summer: heated bike rides from home to work at 6:50am, and scorched pavement to and from my house to my friends house.
I don't think I'll ever be one of those guys who screams "take me back to that place!" but I can admit I was a confused person during our tenure. But give me a chance to say my peace here. I cursed you so many times for all those freezing nights. When I thought I was living a tough life in my one bed room apartment. That was the time everybody called me a hermit, but they didn't know all I wanted was some visitors. I used to get home at 11:45pm, take a shower, drink a beer and watch a movie until 12:30am. Then I'd freeze on that couch until morning and go to another day of work. Was I so hell bent on leading that life that I closed my heart to you? Why did I always think those thoughts alone in the dark? What once was red and beating for some reason changed to bruised and stunted.
Yes, there were times I found solace in you. Mostly down south where your beauty shown in obvious fashion. I valued the clean streets, the valleys and peaks of you, and of course your sunsets. Your sunsets are the best I will ever see. Must be something about the lay of the land, but I can see it for miles, and I always-always-always stopped to admire them. You flooded me in once and it was an adventure. The next few days I saw what Noah saw, I traversed waterfalls, and drank in the light shining through your leafy trees.
Why-why-why do I always want to be somewhere else? So I left you alone. I blamed you for my problems, and I didn't get involved. I always thought you were a one night stand, but in reality you were 8 years of living. When everyone moved on I lost a lot of hope in you. So eventually I decided to leave too. Oh I know if I were to return right now all my ill will would come swimming back through my mind. But it's my goal to remember you fondly. Like every other ex, with each new hardship I regress in my mind and see you as the illuminating-angel-saviour-ghost breathing sweet breath blessings on me. Waiting to swoop in, and take care of me. And since it has always been my habit to remember only good times I now dedicate all memories of you in the highest regard. Even though most of the time I was surrounded by my own doubt...but I suppose it was only doubt in myself.